I remember somewhere in January, 2 days before I went to Taiwan. I stood alone in the middle of the rain, without shelter or anything to cover myself from the rain. I got baggage and lot of stuffs in my both hands. Some cars passed and splashed me with water and mud. My jeans became full of mud.
Before that, I called you and ask you to pick me up because I’ve been standing for more than an hour for taxi that never came (with those heavy stuffs in my hands). And you told me that you can’t pick me up because you were hanging out with friends. Ironically, our distance was less than 3 km. But you didn’t care.
So, I ended up alone in the middle of rain with those heavy stuffs.
The rain became worse. And I had no place to go or at least to cover myself.
When I thought it couldn’t be any worse than that, my paper bags ripped off, and my stuffs fell. Jackets, scarfs, books, merchandises that supposed to be presented at Taiwan’s meeting. All of them. They all became wet and dirty. Some of them can’t be saved because they made from paper.
I tried to pick them up. But I couldn’t. My hands were already full with bags and other shopping bags.
Then I cried.
My body, my hair, my shirt, my stuffs. They were all wet and dirty because of mud. And I was only standing alone in the middle of rain. I cried so bad. I felt so lonely and helpless. I couldn’t do anything.
There was this guy, only one. Who felt terrible looking me cried alone, confused to pick up my things. He ran from the shelter he was standing (the shelter was too full that’s why I couldn’t join them), then he helped me to pick up my stuffs.
I felt so embarrassed but thankful.
He asked people under the shelter to give me space. After that, he stood back to his place before. Beside his GF. His GF smiled proudly toward him. I only got very few space under the shelter, the rain still catched part of my body.
Meanwhile, I had to hold my tears.
That night… I felt so sad, I felt abandoned alone. I couldn’t contact you because the rain was too heavy and I was afraid my cellphone could get wet. Also, you already told me that you were with your friends. And I didn’t have the heart to interrupt your happy moment.
And you already told me that you chose them over me.
Besides that, it was raining heavily. What kind of girl who ask her bf to pick them up in the middle of raini? Even when the rain didn’t fall yet, you already answered me with a no.
I felt helpless, alone, abandoned, and sad.
My tears fell off silently.
What I didn’t know that time… I never imagined that those feelings, will stay every fucking day for months until today.
It was in January, and now April is going to arrive. But that feelings… they stay in my heart until this very second.
Why didn’t I see it coming?
I asked you to take me to the airport. You said no because 8 am was too early for you to wake up on weekend.
When I arrived at Jakarta on the next week, I asked you before to pick me up and you rejected because you got plan on that day.
I felt so lonely. I was so excited to meet you after a week so far from you with no phonecall or skype or anything from you. But you rejected me.
Why didn’t I see it coming?