Being an almost thirty single woman with promising career path, feed her family, and survived bad experience in love matter, is somewhat sounds cool. Well. I considered that sounds cool. But it is actually not.
We have to dress well, look sharp, work harder than other women, be stronger than other people because we know that our family is relying on us. We have to say good bye to our secret dreams to be an illustrator artist, or novelist, or dedicated housewife, because those dreams only can pay shits. And we have mouths to be feed.
Forget those sophisticated dresses from mango, or michael korx bags, or jimmy cho’s heels, or iPhone 6, or that dream trip to Derawan Island. We could afford that, but we can’t. Because we believe, that it’s a sin to spoil ourselves if it means we have to give less to our family.
We also feel scare most of the time. We have these constant questions, how can we get married if we have to take care of our family for the rest of our life? Should we choose to date rich guys? But that means we have to be prettier, skinnier, and stupider. While we don’t have time and energy to do all those hardworks to shape our body, to spent money on spa and hairdresser and those so called beauty specialist clinics. And also, we definitely don’t want to pretend to be an airhead just to attract guys.
How about average guys with average income? Can they handle us? Will they be a burden to us also? Because we’re tired and we don’t need more people to rely on us.
Being our kind of women, sometimes mistakenly judged as a snob rich woman, when actually we definitely not rich, and secretly hate ourselves for not being strong enough or rich enough. We have to do so many things with quite limited options. And that’s, so-fucking-tiring.
I feel so tired. And sometimes I wish I have somebody to rely on. Someone who can ensure me that everything’s gonna be okay and I can layback and relax.
But that’s not how life works.
I wish people could stop telling me that I’m being hard to myself. Because they don’t know shit about the battle I’ve been struggle in.
Women like us stop trusting and rely on other people because the past has taught us to not to. To us, life has never been easy. Hence, please do never tell us to get easy on life.