Learning to open up myself. Again.

I had this conversation with someone whom i used to be close with.

Me: I’m seeing someone right now. You know what… several days a go, he told me, he doesn’t like the way i took so long to reply his messages or pick up his calls.

Him: Well that’s funny.

Me: Why so?

Him: Do you remember? I told you exactly the same thing. I complained about that from you as well.

Me: Oh god… you’re right. Sorry i forget about that. Hahaha…

Mungkin karena terbiasa being single, enjoying myself, and some part of me sometimes still feel afraid to engage in conversations via text or phone call. I only feel comfortable responding on my closest friends.

But things should change. I need to learn to let people come into my life. To respect people. I need to learn to give people chances to reach me by opening up myself.

However, this also gives me an understanding about myself. Apparently, I don’t need a guy to make myself feel complete. I am comfortable being alone. And by letting him in, it means i am allowing someone to come into my comfort bubble.

Of course i don’t know whether he will stay or not. Esp if he one day see all my scars, traumas, and know my stories. But you know what, at least i let myself to be vulnerable.

I will learn how to communicate better, i will let myself be vulnerable, i will open up myself. Because he’s worth it.

Like what i used to think about starting a relationship… falling in love means giving a gun with bullets in it to someone you barely know. Whether he will pull the trigger or not, you will never know that until it happens.

I have no other choice except to trust him.