I had this conversation with someone whom i used to be close with.
Me: I’m seeing someone right now. You know what… several days a go, he told me, he doesn’t like the way i took so long to reply his messages or pick up his calls.
Him: Well that’s funny.
Me: Why so?
Him: Do you remember? I told you exactly the same thing. I complained about that from you as well.
Me: Oh god… you’re right. Sorry i forget about that. Hahaha…
Mungkin karena terbiasa being single, enjoying myself, and some part of me sometimes still feel afraid to engage in conversations via text or phone call. I only feel comfortable responding on my closest friends.
But things should change. I need to learn to let people come into my life. To respect people. I need to learn to give people chances to reach me by opening up myself.
However, this also gives me an understanding about myself. Apparently, I don’t need a guy to make myself feel complete. I am comfortable being alone. And by letting him in, it means i am allowing someone to come into my comfort bubble.
Of course i don’t know whether he will stay or not. Esp if he one day see all my scars, traumas, and know my stories. But you know what, at least i let myself to be vulnerable.
I will learn how to communicate better, i will let myself be vulnerable, i will open up myself. Because he’s worth it.
Like what i used to think about starting a relationship… falling in love means giving a gun with bullets in it to someone you barely know. Whether he will pull the trigger or not, you will never know that until it happens.
I have no other choice except to trust him.